I decided it would be fun to type, “Am I a/an” followed by a letter into Google, choose the suggested question I feel most confidant to answer and help the word solve its problems! So here goes…
“Am I an Atheist?”
Considering the fact that you are Googling it, I would say you are an agnostic.
“Am I a Bad Person?”
If you are pondering it probably not. The fact that you are worried that you are a bad person shows that you feel remorse for any of the bad things that you have done, so despite the fact that you may have made some mistakes I think you are fundamentally a good person.
At this point so many of the “c’s” are hilarious that I’m going to do a few per letter if it takes my fancy, this is my blog after all
“Am I a Canadian citizen?”
If you were I think you would know about it, considering that you would either have been born a Canadian or would have gone though a long and difficult proses to become one. So I’m going to say no to that.
“Am I a Communist?”
If you believe that all wealth should be held in commune (i.e. Owned by everyone), then, yes you are a communist. If you only think some things should be in commune then you are a socialist. If you think there should be no ownership or authority at all then you are an anarchist. If you are worried about being a communist/socialist then Google “red scare” and find out why people have such an issue with us.
“Am I a California resident?”
Go to your house. Turn on a GPS or map app on a smartphone. If you are in California then you are a California resident.
“Am I a Demigod?”
Yes, yes you are.
“Am I an Evil Person?”
Depends how you define “evil”
“Am I a Feminist?”
“Feminist” is a pretty large umbrella term so if you are Googling it then you probably are. Welcome to the club!
“Am I a first time buyer?”
Well have you bought before?
“Am I a good friend quiz”
If it troubles you then you probably are
“Am I a Hipster?”
No, hipsters may never call themselves hipsters?
“Am I an idiot?”
Probably not there are many different types of intelligence and you probably possess at least one
“Am I a Jew?”
Ask your mum. (I would just like to point out that further down the list was a request for “am a I Jew quiz”)
“Am I a kleptomaniac?”
How did you get a hold of the computer you Googled that on?
“Am I a Libertarian?”
Imagine you’re a lifeguard an you see someone drowning. Would you help them? If so then no. However if you would expect the water, the other swimmers or the drowning person themselves to sort it out, then you might just be a libertarian.
“Am I a medium?”
If you are too small for a large but to large for a small then I would highly suspect that you are a medium.
“Am I a Miss or a Ms?”
Whichever you like best.
“Am I a Nihilist?”
Was there really any point in Googling that?
“Am I not pretty enough?”
I disagree with the premise of your question.
“Am I a one per center?”
Statistically its unlikely, but its not being in the one per cent which is important, it is how you react to being in the one per cent.
“Am I an organ donor?”
I don’t know whom you should ask about this but I doubt its Google.
“Am I a Panda or a Dog”
Either way I’m impressed that you can type.
“Am I quitter?”
Quitting is an action not a character trait. Despite the fact that coaches and teachers will endlessly repeat “winners never quit and quitters never win”, this is an overgeneralization. Sometimes quitting is an integral part of winning. For example a General may choose to concede a battle, which s/he is loosening, in order to preserve the lives of soldiers to win the war. Or an author might stop writing one book in order to start on a better idea. Giving up on everything will reap no rewards, but neither will sticking with everything. You need to find a balance.
“Am I a recluse?”
If you’re wondering then you’re probably somewhere on the spectrum but bare in mind you get to decide weather you are going to be a recluse or not.
“Am I a stalker?”
If you need to ask, you’re treading a dangerous line.
“Am I tomboy?”
Don’t try to slot your personality into a shiny box. The box isn’t real, it wont make you happy and it’s a waste of time.
“Am I a unicorn?”
“Am I a unicorn quiz”
Oh my … Seriously?!
“Am I a virgin”
I’m speaking from a place of little experience but I’d say it really depends what you define as sex. “Virginity” seems to me like a social construct coming from an era when women were seen as property. A sort of way of saying “I have one woman here … unused!”. The way we see the loss virginity is also very hetronormative, most people see it as “penis in vagina” but that basically implies that lesbians, gays and intersex people can never loose their virginity. Witch is stupid. So I’ll say it’s arbitrary. I once heard someone say, “Virginity is a concept invented by men, who thought that their penises were so powerful that they could fundamentally change who a woman is”
“Am I a writer?”
If you want to be one then probably. I’m sure you can at least grow into one.
“Am I a wolf?”
I haven’t posted them all because it would get boring but the number of people wondering what species they are is starting to concern me. I think if you are using Google you are at least part of the Ape family.
Only one thing came up for x and I’m not entirely sure what it means so I’m going to skip it
“Am I a YouTube partner?”
You have to sign a contract- you would know
“Am I a zombie?”
You might be a metaphorical zombie, if you spend all you’re time on your phone or the Internet or watching TV
End notes: There you go, I did realise around “R” that I should have gone for a more open type of question but it was too far gone by then. I was seriously struck by the number of people who wanted the Internet to tell them what their religion or political ideology is or indeed where they lived. I was tempted with all of these but it would have become boring considering that there was one for almost every letter. All I can say to these is, if you don’t know what religion you are then you’re not a strong enough believer for it to even matter, you can probably ask your next door neighbour about where you live and as for political ideology- this should help – http://www.politicalcompass.org/test. I was waaaaaaay down in the bottom left corner.
Dear Right Wingers on the Internet
I am not going to explain this to you again. The Council of Europe and the European Union are two entirely separate bodies. They have nothing to do with each other. I am not going to debate you if you cant be bothered googling the think we are debating.
When you are angry about human rights legislation because you think that deporting a few suspected terrorists would be worth giving up your own “right to privacy and a family life” or “right to a fair trial” you are angry with the Council of Europe, who enforce the European Convention on Human Rights, not the European Union who have nothing to do with it.
When you are angry about immigration, you are angry with the EU and it is totally irrelevant to bring up any recent human rights cases, for reasons mentioned above.
In some of your coverage of Thatcher’s death one of your reporters said “Privatisation isn’t a political issue anymore, its just something governments do” – I would like to know who decided this and when.
Dear Teacup making companies,
It has come to my attention that a man named Nickola Tesla invented a way to make electricity transmittable through radio waves, this would be more efficient and there wouldn’t be wires everywhere. However this was never put into practice as anyone could put up satellite and get electricity from it. This means it would be difficult for companies to make a profit from it. The solution to this problem is to bring electricity back under state ownership and have everyone pay into it through tax.
An I am sure there are many other problems which could be solved with nationalization, like the price of trains, and if trains were cheaper fewer people would drive, and if fewer people dove the roads would be cheaper to maintain the roads, and since you already pay for the tracks I think this could work out well.
Stop acting like privatisation is the only way, please.
PS. Do haulage companies pay extra to use the roads considering they do the most damage to them? Because they should.
Dear Fashion/beauty/celebrity Magazines,
Did you know that the average female experiences a drop in self-esteem after just 8 minuets of reading you? You should probably do something about that. Actually what you will probably do is make a concerted effort to make that time smaller, considering almost all of your advertisements are for plastic surgery, diet products and make up. You are in the business of creating false illnesses in order to sell a cure. I have had enough.
P.S. Did you know that cellulite was considered attractive until Vogue said it was a disease?
Dear Nick Clegg,
Did you know a Chinese teacher invented you to make more money out of his school? The idea was that people would pay to come to the school and then pay to take the exam. I am adding you to the long list of problems with capitalism.
I’m not sure how I feel about you, you are a mass of contradictions.
You increase potential productivity whilst reducing, for many people, actual productivity.
You make it easier for people to connect with each other but all we end up with is a bunch of meaningless insults with no constructive dialog.
You make it easier for talent to be discovered, but you ruin simple mediocrity. For example the case of a girl who’s parents paid for her to make a music video for a Bat Mitzvah present and ended up being called out as “the death of music”. (That’s all the Friday song was, a Bat Mitzvah treat, no one was calling her the next big sensation and instead of enjoying it, as she should have, she ended up being bullied to the point of dropping out of school)
And yet I cannot imagine my life without you, who would I be without fandoms and Nerdfightaria? Would I have ever gotten into politics without the Young Turks? Would I be more comfortable with my body without Internet advertisements? Or less without Laci Green?
To tell the truth weather you’re good for me or not I can no longer imagine life without you. To tell the truth, sad as it may be I no longer know how to research without Google, or how to make plans without Facebook.
Sci-Fi has long predicted an age of cyborgs, and since many people can no longer function without computers, who’s to say we haven’t arrived?
All my love,