Some Open Letters
Dear Right Wingers on the Internet
I am not going to explain this to you again. The Council of Europe and the European Union are two entirely separate bodies. They have nothing to do with each other. I am not going to debate you if you cant be bothered googling the think we are debating.
When you are angry about human rights legislation because you think that deporting a few suspected terrorists would be worth giving up your own “right to privacy and a family life” or “right to a fair trial” you are angry with the Council of Europe, who enforce the European Convention on Human Rights, not the European Union who have nothing to do with it.
When you are angry about immigration, you are angry with the EU and it is totally irrelevant to bring up any recent human rights cases, for reasons mentioned above.
In some of your coverage of Thatcher’s death one of your reporters said “Privatisation isn’t a political issue anymore, its just something governments do” – I would like to know who decided this and when.
Dear Teacup making companies,
It has come to my attention that a man named Nickola Tesla invented a way to make electricity transmittable through radio waves, this would be more efficient and there wouldn’t be wires everywhere. However this was never put into practice as anyone could put up satellite and get electricity from it. This means it would be difficult for companies to make a profit from it. The solution to this problem is to bring electricity back under state ownership and have everyone pay into it through tax.
An I am sure there are many other problems which could be solved with nationalization, like the price of trains, and if trains were cheaper fewer people would drive, and if fewer people dove the roads would be cheaper to maintain the roads, and since you already pay for the tracks I think this could work out well.
Stop acting like privatisation is the only way, please.
PS. Do haulage companies pay extra to use the roads considering they do the most damage to them? Because they should.
Dear Fashion/beauty/celebrity Magazines,
Did you know that the average female experiences a drop in self-esteem after just 8 minuets of reading you? You should probably do something about that. Actually what you will probably do is make a concerted effort to make that time smaller, considering almost all of your advertisements are for plastic surgery, diet products and make up. You are in the business of creating false illnesses in order to sell a cure. I have had enough.
P.S. Did you know that cellulite was considered attractive until Vogue said it was a disease?
Dear Nick Clegg,
Did you know a Chinese teacher invented you to make more money out of his school? The idea was that people would pay to come to the school and then pay to take the exam. I am adding you to the long list of problems with capitalism.
I’m not sure how I feel about you, you are a mass of contradictions.
You increase potential productivity whilst reducing, for many people, actual productivity.
You make it easier for people to connect with each other but all we end up with is a bunch of meaningless insults with no constructive dialog.
You make it easier for talent to be discovered, but you ruin simple mediocrity. For example the case of a girl who’s parents paid for her to make a music video for a Bat Mitzvah present and ended up being called out as “the death of music”. (That’s all the Friday song was, a Bat Mitzvah treat, no one was calling her the next big sensation and instead of enjoying it, as she should have, she ended up being bullied to the point of dropping out of school)
And yet I cannot imagine my life without you, who would I be without fandoms and Nerdfightaria? Would I have ever gotten into politics without the Young Turks? Would I be more comfortable with my body without Internet advertisements? Or less without Laci Green?
To tell the truth weather you’re good for me or not I can no longer imagine life without you. To tell the truth, sad as it may be I no longer know how to research without Google, or how to make plans without Facebook.
Sci-Fi has long predicted an age of cyborgs, and since many people can no longer function without computers, who’s to say we haven’t arrived?
All my love,